Cleaning

Today I completely destroyed my room cleaning out the vast amount of useless stuff I own. It was like I had to get rid of all the rubagge in my life. Like I have so much baggage on me right now. I feel weighed down and it slowly drains more of me each day. I needed air so I dug myself a hole threw everything to enable myself a small breathing hole. Its a start and ill take it I guess. I have extremely bad luck and itI know everyone says they do but geez...I really do. This past year I have failed at everything thrown in my path. Its like balancing on a beam and now matter how I place my weight or reposition myself I cant stay on. So I keep getting back on and giving it another go but each time I fall I get another bruise and I get even more tired. Each time I get back up that goal to balance myself is even less appealing. I know I sound emo and depressed but really I am just tired. All I want if for soemthing to work out. For something to be easy and for me to accomlish with a great outcome. But nothing in life is easy and that applys for everyone. All we can every do is our best but even someones best can emotionally wear them.

The Classic Crime - Salt In The Snow
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EMmXAdPYBIY

The Classic Crime - Everything
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OnHRWQTreXQ

Unwanted Care

Wow lookie here I finally have a free moment. Isn't this nice. Ok so I shall start my story leaving for Arizona.....

So we left and went to the airport to fly to Arizona and we got us some serious Starbucks. Ventis barely lasted us the first ten minutes of the flight though it was depressing. We pretty much listened to our ipods and read Cosmopolitian the whole time. It was great. Hehe. But lets see before I left I hooked up with my old umm well idk what to call him. I guess guy I kissed all the time and so I didnt want to be like that again so I told the guy, Gino, that I needed to be in a relationship to do anything with him so we decided to be together the day I left for my wEeK long trip. I shouldve know that would hard.
But so the first day we tanned and may I just say we didnt get any sun there. We just had weird reactions to the funky sun. But we went to a water park and relized everyone is on steroids there and attempted to get tan. Didnt work. One day we went on The Salty River tube thing and we sat in a tube for four hours. Yes four and got hit on by older men and saw wild horses. That was charming. We saw Sedona and all kinds of jazz. It was a LONG week considering I was attempting to make a relationship work. I failed.
Somehow we decided to go back to friends with benefits and I hate that and then now idk what we are cause I am frustrated and hurt and I really like this guy and I HATE it. Also one of my other guy friends likes me and idk how I feel bout that. Is it a good or bad thing? I am so lost right now and well sore cause Summer tennis training is brutal and I helped my friend move into her new house today. Oh and Gino keeps trying to get together with me but he uped and ignored me yesterday in front of his friends. Wtf? What does he want.
This post probably makes no sense since I am so tired. I am so sorry.

I Wish - The Secret Handshake
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wBR0lXD0hEs

Undressing The Words- The Maine
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FBpiFWfSKlw

Ewe. Arizona is well... Hot as Fuck.

I am in Arizona lovies. Sorry for my disapearance. Dang this foreign laptop is hard to type on. Well but yeah Arizona is hot and I have tons of stories to tell ya but I will have to type that up when I get back. Missin all ya bloggers. I really am missin my rant page aka my blog. D:

The Arizona Trip Theme Song

Justin Timberlake Featuring Timbaland - SexyBack
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iAT5ypTjKOI

Reckless Antics

How the hell did I end back with the guy from earlier this year who crushed me and used me? How did I let this happen again And most importanly how is it that I am happy with him again though I'm positive it wont last. I am gonna fool around again with him and fall for him again. Why can't I walk away from him? Why can't I find a normal relationship? Oh wait thats right this is my life so that wont be happening. I hate this and I hate him for choosing me to be the one girl he cant get enough of even though he will never commit. I couldnt just be one of those one time deals like the rest of the girls he has fooled around with. Just.....fuck.

Eminem - Lose Yourself
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xFYQQPAOz7Y

Oh and I leave for Arizona tommorow so sorry if I disappear for awhile :( How will I vent?

I Effed Up..But Did I?

Yeah I am so stupid.


Oh and I am a hypocrite.

Anna Nalick - Breathe (2AM)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jPz3YaIJkjQ

2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,

can you help me unravel my latest mistake,

I don't love him, winter just wasn't my season

Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes

Like they have any right at all to critisize,

hypocrites, you're all here for the very same reason

Tommorow by Lillix

tomorrow's just another day another way to spend my day all by my self starin at the tv screen flipping through my magazine everything is unclear i need you hear do

and i wake up put on my make up pick up the phone nobodys home i need to break out give me some take out standing side the crowd i wanna scream out loud i'll be ok i'll be ok

walking down this whining road raining days are all unknown i have hit the ground staring up into the sky countin all the reasons why my mind is spinning around i need to breath dooo

so,i wake up put on my make up pick up the phone nobodys home and i need to break out give me some take out standing side the crowd i wanna scream out loud i'll be ok

get off from the floor i just can't take anymore leave that all behind just get along

nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah oohhh

oh,i wake up put on my make up pick up the phone nobodys home and i need to break out give me some take out standing side the crowd i wanna scream out loud i'll be ok i'll be ok

oh,i wake up put on my make up pick up the phone nobodys home and i need to break out give me some take out standing side the crowd i wanna scream out loud

i need to break out!! were ok were alright were ok we'll be alright tomorrow's just another day another way to spend my day

Tomorrow- Lillix

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsduZX_xwt0

I was completely obcessed with this song growing up. Thought I'd share it with ya peoples. :)

Reality Check with a Drop Rainwater

I had a fucking post typed up and it got deleted! Ugh that pisses me off so much! .......Alright I will retype it.

So my friend Jq has so many boy issues. She is talking to this dude Devin who openly admits to using her and leading her own but does she care? Nope and then there is the freak Brian guy who she used to be involved with but he never wanted to go public so she said forget that but now he is sending her pictures of his fugly penis and for some reason she is inviting him to my movie night. Hell no. Also there was the whole thing with the guy who talked her into phone sex and that ppls is why sexting is in every magazine and tabloid.

But yes so I told Logan that this whole thing wasnt worth it anymore and he didnt like that but honestly I am just done and I dont want him to hold me back this summer. Its to hard.

My coach is seriosuly pissin me off also so I am so switching coaches and that is just bad if he doesnt like it. He is ruining my game and that just can happen. I work to hard.

Its rainging here again. I like it.

Oh I also hate my dad now fyi. Like I am so done.

Holly Would You Turn Me On - All Time Low

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mqdrS1S44e4

Keri Hilson - Knock You Down ft. Kanye West & Neyo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Swj0zTG6wfI